I love you

I wish I didn't sometimes, but I can't help myself :/
You may think I'm mad at you half the time, (or all) but I'm hurt. just hurt.
I'm being stupid. Why care about those who hurt me? Because I believe in love. and I fall for it every time. I hope some guy is gonna rock your world with similar interests, no addictions, no bad past mistakes, perfection in male form. impossible? maybe. but he would be perfect to you and for you. and he's not me.

every song that reminds me of you I still mean. even the Train ones.

That's why almost every song that was ours no longer is on my ipod. because I'd sing along through my tears. and then I'd replay them. and I don't need that.

Since I now have decided to let you read these....
Trust me. please? I'm trying to trust you by showing this to you. that's bigger than you know. you can talk to me about guys. about kayla and her boy drama. about how cute the next guy is. I'll listen. I'll rejoice when you smile, mourn when you are sad, miss you when you're not around, and maybe even worry that some guy is actually going to be better than me. but every guy is, so I'll be worrying for awhile. and then, someday you'll get married to that wonderful guy. and I don't know if I could see that happen. I would try, but if I went, I'd be afraid of yelling out loud when they said speak now or forever hold your peace. It wouldn't matter though. because if I did, someone there would escort me out and it would happen anyway.... So, this is me letting you in. welcome, this is my world through the darkened and confused eyes of one who let you down and regrets it every day. I'm not perfect, I never will deserve you, but I'll always love you. You were the best thing, that ever was mine. (yeah, I am quoting tswift)
I probably have more to say to you, but I'm not really sure what TO say after all this... don't hate me :/